Incredible week:)

I think this suppose to go to the"happyblog" but I lazy find for it. sooo, this few weeks, been in church help/plan for batch camp(like sec 1 camp, sec 2 camp etc etc.)  Busy packing and buy stuff that requires effort and energy but it's a God-filled activities. So yay, and I got closer to Jx through this too. Camp meetings are the shiok-est, cos we got to do worship and then, we get to sit down for hours, once we sat for 6 hours plus for a meeting and it was good hahah, I found out that I like work, being busy let me forget things and the people in the comm are fun and friendly so in matter of meeting up, became good friends haha, anw camp in another 2 days and staying over in church just so I won't oversleep again hahaha shiok! And I feel like I'm making full use of my holidays well, even though my whole body aches after the whole day of work. But still I can't sleep much,even now I wanted to sleep around 10 but in the end waking up, Dom suggested me to do QT so I did, and wow, proverbs 18 is like talking to me about sat. Oh, lets go to that, Saturday, well worship service was good but I needed to go to help the P6s with their "games day". so boo. The games was fun but I was lenient so mehh, my leader was the commandent, so he had to try to control the kids but he got frustrated. And then cell was small, very small. Its like 6 guys and there were 5 girls but they were contemplating whether or not to go, and they were close to leaving church, and my leader got even more frustrated and lost his mood. That was freaking mood dropper. However they came for cell, and we had worship. Worship was good but as soon as I kneeled and pray, thoughts on all the things that happen to me like people leaving, me or cell. It came to me so fast I couldnt stop crying and it was messy but not so messy. I feel more better after crying and now less paranoid. And proverbs 18 was relatable to me on that. When Dom said that God was always there for me and stuff, I broke down even more, cos I realize I pushed him away but He still wants me after that, I couldn't stop crying, People leaves, friends leave but He never did, and I know that, I just didn't accepted it.. I feel so much better after that. Less sad, which I guess its good. I'm gonna trust in Him and more. ^^





You didn't want to talk to me, its okay, i guess. As long as you're happy :)

Not all pain can be felt

What a night, so quiet and only my songs are playing and thoughts just buzzing around, I don't mind it actually, I'm not so alone at night now since now I don't have to lie on my bed and just count the seconds passing. Even if its sad or disturbing, I know I can control myself from doing stupid things. I don't trust the phrase," I'll be there for you". Its an empty promise that both parties believe. But time or space, maybe thinking will make one of the party to think twice about that promise. Someone may  found someone else better and find another a bother, so they will drift apart, and the promise the other person hanged on to will be useless. But if the person that kept the promise that he will always be there but the other party decided that maybe they don't trust the other cause of reasons then, he left there hanging knowing that the other person is troubled, but doesn't want to tell him. Wouldn't he start also get tired of this? It's hard to find someone that will ALWAYS be there for us. But maybe it's harder for us to be there for someone else. And if I ever been like that, I'm sorry, so so sorry:/

Letting it out

Dom told me, when you're gonna let out what you bottled up, it will be messy, but so far opening up was quiet and neat, and I guess its because I wasn't being honest enough. Maybe one day, it will be.

The thing that brought us together will be the thing that tears us apart.

Friends don't last, relationship don't last. I was wondering why, and I realize that the thing that pull us together is going to be the thing that tears us apart. Example, when you met a friend that plays games with you, and when suddenly one starts to stop playing, the friendship suddenly goes missing. Its like they don't know each other anymore. Close friends have much worse effect on us, once everything falls apart, apart of you will go with them. Not the missing them type. The type when they leave but yet they know you inside out. They can use your secrets against you. People leave eventually, maybe its better not to get too close with them just so you won't get hurt. Maybe that's the reason relationship don't last, and one person always will be hurt. Something so delicate to be so dangerous. Maybe its not finding someone that will be with you through thick or thin. Maybe I just gotta find myself first.

what I've learnt

Bottling up sucks, even writing it down is hard. Sometimes, I just get angry for no reason, and that's the point I always remind myself to bottle it back again as soon as possible. Just typing this got me so fidgety, like I want to stop but i'm posting this to remind myself why bottling up is bad in the future. Even though I'm still doing it now. Well, first thing is you'll get super sensitive and everything people say will become personal to you, Bad or Good, it will always be there with you in your mind. At times, you just hear songs that makes you emotional, too emotional that you choose to bottle it up again, even if its the reason you got emotional. You will leak, as in not cry but all the emotions you kept in will leak out, sometimes you get all sad for no reason, sometimes you want to punch someone in the face, sometimes,you just want to hide away till it gets better.. For now, I'm hiding, hiding my emotions, hiding myself from the outside, but i don't need to hide from my school friends, cos they don't really care. so yeah. And remember, to remember when you're finally happy, remember that felling and why, cos that's gonna keep you strong till the next time you're happy. So have fun reminiscing your past, and congrats for getting this far..

All I saw was a coward, giving up when it got tough, but then I realise I was doing the same.


Thanks alot, "dad"