Unnecessary trouble.

I broke, everyone in the house was being noisy, and arguing or crying. I just woke up, and I was not in control of my feelings or thoughts yet. As I sat and ate my dinner, all the noise and all the stupid bickering, my mind was going crazy, I held out till my parents stop making noise then argue over dinner I went into my room, and I saw my brother doing art. So i rest and play games on my phone, then I heard sounds from his iPod, I couldn't take it, I need to finish my stuff while he's there being a useless space watching shows. I screamed, I shouted, I kicked. I lost control. My dad shouted at me, I shouted back. He said I acting tough, so I threw back, Who's the one acting tough here? I hurt his feelings, he started screaming that I should leave school, cos I'm good for nothing, well thats what i understand. I really had the urge to retaliate but, I was controlling myself. I wish I was stronger than this, I never wanted to hurt him. They didn't fail as parents, I failed as a son

its not that i have no one

I can't say that, I have my cell, I have friends(probably) I have a God too, and its the one I don't doubt but believe. But its hard to share stuff to any of them, its either I'm not there, or they're not there, but mostly cos I keep running away from problems. I know I got problems and thats the problem, I don't trust that I can handle them properly, so I'm my own advisor. or listener, whichever me likes. haahah sigh one day, maybe I'll find someone to share my problems to, maybe I already met them. Fingers crossed

Words worth saying shouldn't be hidden behind a screen.

I don't know it's something I realize, you only can know the sincerity when you're face to face. Or when hearing the voice. Emojis can't represent everything we feel. One day, probably, I will learn how to share, or least have a hth with someone.

writing

I find writing entertaining, no matter how bad my handwriting is, I wrote like 3 short stories, 1 was good 1 was bad, 1 was just for me. Well, after watching Wongfu productions, it really inspired me how much a story can tell. Adding visuals just for the extra touch. Awestruck by Wes' videos, that he made, it's so good, the way he wrote it, voice acted and camera views. Its just too good

Run away

I keep running away, no matter what it is. No matter what's the situation I keep running away or turning my back on it. I don't know if it's the right choice. I don't know if I have the right the say or do this. I really should keep my mouth shut. I don't have the wisdom, even if I have the right intention, I don't want to screw up. I can never confront a problem, it's a fear, no matter what, it's a instinct I had... I'm sorry so so sorry:/

Built up in 3 months, torn down in 3 days

That is, confidence.. I never thought about it, but the last 3 months helped me build my confidence, but then just the starting 3 days of school, its gone.  Friends ain't friends no more, somehow we don't talk, and stuff, but I guess its my fault. I felt so lonely, that only on the 2 day, evening I couldn't take it, I quickly went to shut myself to sleep. I couldn't bear all the feelings, I thought that this year would have a good start in school, but I guess nothing goes as you wish too.