The fuck

I feel fucking worthless, and this is the reason I was fucking happy when I didn't have to go. Today was another fucking waste of time, I see what I didn't want to see, I feel like shit, friends? What fucking friends? They all have their own friends. They wouldn't care less about me I wouldn't care for me either. Well fuck this fucked up feeling. Fuck myself. Fuck what I think. And fuck how I feel. Fuck my feelings and let me just die in an accident. It's better that way too.

Everyone's equal. Not?

Well that's a sweet lie that everyone can make it. But the bitter truth is not all of us can, if we all could. There will be only high ranking jobs for everyone. Don't say we all can make it, cos some people get the short end of the stick. What about all the classes in society. In planes we have economy class, first class. Every budget terminals. Don't say we're all equal, society made us think we're equal while we are already classified by them into this classes

Feel so...

Idk the word, crazy? Insane? Depressed? I need an escape from my mind, a escape that could get rid of all my worries. You know how boys have egos? No matter how big or small they all have one. And that makes boys, boys. Cos ego give them character and confidence. Well, i lost mine. Now, all the pent up emotions starts to take a toil on me. They said it will affect me soon enough. And it is. Right now. I start losing control of what's in front of me, like when you're drawing, I start to hold harder and lose control of the pencil. It's like getting angry at someone for no reason. I know it's my fault all this happen. I just don't need someone to point it out. I needed somewhere to put part of my mind to rest. So I just made this post. I'm still controlling even though it's not a good job. Okay.

Middle of examinations

In the middle of mid year exams I don't has any stress cos I'm doing it any of it ;D well cos I got mc. Hais the constant wanting to talk to you in school or face to face really kills me. well, cell isn't getting any better. Sure we hang out on Saturdays and when one of us actually plans something among ourselves there'll ppl who thinks its cool not to go. If got valid reason.. Okay uh:/ but it's just a personal activity between both of you it's like selfish.. Most of you wrote you want the cell to grow closer towards family and friends the area. And I'm the only who said idk what I want it to be. Trust me when I say I don't trust you guys. Many things shows me that I shouldn't trust you guys. But many shouldn't trust me either then. Trust is really hard now.. Argh.. Forget it. I wonder who you like trololol, oh well, good luck to you ppl with exams ;)

Faith hope love

Something went wrong during this month I just dk what was it.. I lost faith, faith in people and God yeah cheesy.. I went to church still but I can't pray or anything. I went for the alter call too, its just doesn't feel right. Subsequently losing Hope. I mean what if He really did forsaken me? I know it's stupid but what if? Ha. I know many people wouldn't want me. But it's okay, I wouldn't want me either. My trust fro me is very little now, that's why I only talk to limited people. Yeah I'm that messed up. Sometimes I cont talking to them cos they dk what's going with me and if I just stop it'll make them curious not concern. So love, I wouldnt put my hopes up on it, cos faith hope love are all connected well, you lose one of them you start to lose all.. That's why I try my best to talk to ppl I love, or those I still trust.. Which is a hand full. 2 hr naps make me have nightmares and think things that i didn't know..