extreme tired one

Isn't it human nature to run and hide? Isn't it our nature to run to God when all else fail? I don't get this, I can't bring myself to ask God for help or even pray. I look at the bible for answers but I cant accept it, the longing to be understood or heard, or even just having someone there, yet I've been pushing the everything I want. And that's as dumb as it sounds. I know it's stupid for me to do that, but I don't know what else I can do. I will beat myself up mentally about all thy happen to me as my fault but I can't find the peace to actually accept it. Even if I forget what I'm beating myself for, the feeling will be there constantly. I do long for peace in my mind, I don't know how to achieve it or how to let God take control. I'm doing my harm then help to people and to me. I'm not giving up, I'm just giving in. I guess