I keep seeing posts like "I may be broken but I'm trying to put myself back together" and stuff like that. I want to but I just wanna wallow in this pit.It feels so comfortable here no matter how lonely I feel or get. I understand I'm not well-liked or I've kept my distance from people.But I guess thats the price I pay for not trying.

Isn't it human nature to run and hide? Isn't it our nature to run to God when all else fail? I don't get this, I can't bring myself to ask God for help or even pray. I look at the bible for answers but I cant accept it, the longing to be understood or heard, or even just having someone there, yet I've been pushing the everything I want. And that's as dumb as it sounds. I know it's stupid for me to do that, but I don't know what else I can do. I will beat myself up mentally about all thy happen to me as my fault but I can't find the peace to actually accept it. Even if I forget what I'm beating myself for, the feeling will be there constantly. I do long for peace in my mind, I don't know how to achieve it or how to let God take control. I'm doing my harm then help to people and to me. I'm not giving up, I'm just giving in. I guess

I was looking through pictures of gardens cos I really like how serene they are. But tonight, just looking at them, makes me feel so angsty. I don't know but maybe my heart longs for the serenity in a garden or its just can't take how calming life can be.

Friends as I see it

There's so much importance on how we communicate, and somehow I'm think with a brain dead mind.
From the lowest to the highest:
Hi-bye friends
Facebook friends(msg/dm)
Twitter tagging
Text/whatsapp
Call
Face to face convo
Deep HTHT(face to face)
Or just sibling-like convo