..

I know why I'm a failure and a mistake. I disappoint, I'm not brave. I don't do what I say, I can't keep commitment. I over-think. But I guess it's true that I'm not good enough, never was. I'm scared shitless about my future and wouldn't do a thing about it. I know everyone's imperfect, but wth? I'm like full of shit. Plus I watch What would you do? Eps.. it nice to see that there are still people who care for one another, but it sucks to know that I wouldn't have done the same. I wanna be a better person, I wanna change, I know I'm not a badass or "gangster" or cool like my friends are, but at least now I know what I wanna be. oo and I wanna go to mission trip for the right reason.. I shall pray for that, I finally found a goal of some sort, for now.. I hope it helps

I really feel like nothing at night. Whenever I'm in school, I feel so alone no matter if my friends are ard, cos they got their own friends so I just pretend nothing's wrong, so there won't be unnecessary trouble. Then I guess, they took it for granted. Today, Aimran bao za cos of us the group so distant and stuff liddat. Then we "settle" is within an hour. They gave analogies about how I pangseh them, how I go out with my church friends, then they said sarcastically, "church" friends. I never even mention how they pangseh me for their own group of friends. I really dk what the shit I did. You guys always have your own friends, I decided not to disturb you or bother you. Then now blame me for pangseh-ing haish maybe I'm overthinking, but really.. I wish I had better friends. You only know me when you need me after that.. whoosh. -.-